Help depression with photography

I started blogging twenty years ago I posted 100’s of posts some bad most even worse than that, then about four years ago I deleted everything! Five different blogs and all posts I erased fifteen years of work. Why? Because one day I woke up depressed very very depressed. My depression was ongoing I had been taking antidepressants for years but that day I was super depressed! I couldn’t cope and days in bed feeling like crap eventually gave way to feeling slightly less depressed and slowly very slowly I got over things! I am not there yet but I am coping.  My Multiple Sclerosis has taken a turn for the worse and I am a lot weaker than I have ever been. Cheerful ain’t I? Cheering you up yet.

The reason for this post is to help other people and at the same time help myself. Well maybe we can both gain from the words I am feebly trying to get down. I read an article in the amateur photographer magazine today. Yep it was about how photography can help people suffering from depression. I deleted my photography blog on that day five years ago, years of posts hours and hours of blogging not so many photos. My photos look awful even the good ones are bad so maybe no great loss to the world when I hit that delete button! But I suffered oh boy I suffered. All of those posts those dreams the hopes the memories were gone, no more could people read about what I had enjoyed putting out for anyone who wandered world. I had planned to use film cameras made since my arrival here on earth, anyone who reads the amateurphotographer will have seen a regular article about using a different film camera for every week for a year. It was so popular it went on and on finally finishing after ten years and five hundred and twenty different cameras!

Back to you and your depression, anything that can get you less depressed is good! I know about stopping and concentrating on the shot it helps me and it helped the people in the article I read today! The breaking of the norm the stopping the waiting, the looking at something other than whatever your brain wants you to hang up on. I recently heard depression described as like listening to a out of tune radio, it’s always playing in the background, you can’t hear it properly but you listen to it all the time and in doing so you miss out on so much good stuff that’s going on around you. Well that’s me done for tonight, it’s twenty to one in the morning even though this iPad recon it 16:40. One of the many things I need to sort, I only got this on Monday so still on a learning curve. I’ll finish up tomorrow as I wanna add some photos and links and mention lockdown

Lockdown, how has it been for you? In all honesty for me it has been much of the same as normal. Heather has to hoist me out of bed and do pretty much everything for me! I have helped with comments on what to get for shopping 👍 not always useful. I know many people have been finding it very difficult. There are any different places to go for help and my answer is always seek help. You know it makes sense but the hardest step is always the first one. I am often guilty of leaving things to long, last year I ended up in A&E blue lights and everything with suspected sepsis. I got better with antibiotics! The hardest part for me has been not seeing the family our daughters stop at the front gate and have a five minutes chat but it ain’t the same is it. I know all of you reading this will be suffering your own personal problems and FaceTime is good but it’s not a patch on meet-ups and a chat over a brew.

Scary hospital appointment

No I am not worried about the appointment but I am concerned! I have been self isolating for eight weeks and now I have to go into the Lions den. Well the Lions den wheelchair department!. Wish me luck👍

Lockdown lazy day

It comes round every month a regular as clockwork! Catheter change day. Today I had two nurses come and visit me all done up in PPE  and as smart as two new pins! One was my regular district nurse and the other a student nurse! The students voice seemed familiar but behind the mask and stuff I didn't recognise her. She used to work at Strode Park in Herne where I go for my respite care and I hadn't seen her for over six months so maybe I can be forgiven for not recognising her. The change was a regular one but because of all of the recent problems with blockages the idea was to fit a larger catheter.
Sounds simple right? The reality was far from simple. Small hole and larger tube didn't mix and after a few attempts it was back to fitting the normal size one again, so when lockdown is over its a trip to Canterbury hospital urology department and get them to do it. I had general anesthetic for the original so maybe I'll be knocked out again for them to sort it!
All this messing around left me exhausted so I have been in bed all day sleeping. Multiple Sclerosis affects me like that, the slightest hint of trauma and I am exhausted, I slept most of the day Sat in the chair for dinner and straight back to bed! 

Freya Ridings - Castles (Official Video)

Is this the best song of 2020?

Another small thing but a huge leap for Disabled Don

It may seem insignificant and trivial but today's milestone was going out to eat a McDonald's! I can say that I accomplished this goal in my recovery this full honours and a small feather in my cap! We went out sometime after eleven thirty and drove to the drive through in Minster. Heather and I have a fear 😱 yes fear of drive throughs and we always park up and people watch! So we were tucked safely away in the corner close to both bins and exit and off she toddled in search of food!! I sat in the back wheelchair lashed down and two seatbelts on and Set about people watching! Now our car is really a converted van with rear access ramp to enable me to travel in my wheelchair ♿ the rear Windows are blacked out! Not Gangsta style but dark enough for me to go un-noticed. Perfect for looking out at the outside world. I have been perfecting people watching for over forty years and scanning with blacked out Windows is really as good as it gets! It all started on our first holiday away with friends when our kids were in prams! And as our holidays have progressed the art has been honed! You would be surprised the amount of tents caravans and motor homes I have been guided round by proud owners. 😄 Now I'm my dotage I am unable to be getting in and out of people's home from home so I spy on them eating their food in the car in McDonalds car park! You should see what some people eat and how many drive off discarding wrappers out of the window rather than walk ten feet to put their rubbish in the bin! I must say that today's people used the bin a lot as it was full to the brim. Several people pushed it down but on cheeky crow managed to grab a bag of rubbish fly up to about fifty feet and drop to get the contents scattered all over the road! It then proceeds to pick over the debris and eat the reward of his ingenuity! I have seen Gulls do similar with sea shells to get the contents of the clam or cockle but McDonald's bags that's a real skill! That's been my day. Two weeks after surgery I successfully completed a trip to McD and stayed awake until now. Time for shut eye me thinks and dreams about dare devil Crows risking life and wing to get a meal! Night night 🌙 I am extremely tired.😴

Lazy day listening to Music

After four visits from the District Nuses in three days I am up and about today. Well about as I can be in my electric wheelchair. My wife Heather did boiled eggs and soldiers for lunch. Do any of you go through the daily "what do you fancy for lunch today moment"? Well today I was ready, normally its a daily game of 'no we had that on Friday' or 'no that means  going to the shop' but today I was primed  locked and loaded, I saw a tweet about the colour of proper free range eggs. So for the first time in living memory we decided without debate!!!

As it turned out we had eggs and bread butter but some othe staples necessitated a trip out to the shops. Well I kicked back in my wheelchair and selected Apple Music stuck my new headphones on and am still here two hours later!!! I took them off while we ate our afore mentioned lunch and a couple of other times to answer Heather's questions but I have had an enjoyable time just chilling listening to sounds with the laptop on my lap on a lap tray (where else would a laptop go?) I am currently listening to Joni Mitchell I have had a great few hours headphones on, one eye on the garden bird visting the feeders JUST CHILLIN

How are your new year resolutions going?

Mine are great 👍 I never made any! Yep I know I need to loose weight, if I could I would but I never shamed myself into setting unobtainable goals! I ain't going Vegan Veggie or any of the stupid fad  names they label you with as soon as you deviate from 'the norm'  what is NORMAL try Google for that and it comes up with one hundred and seventy five million results?
Abnormal only got twenty three million which in itself tells a story!
I don't really know why I am writing this post ? It is exactly one AM as I type this line, I have been in bed all day recovering from an emergency catheter change this morning. For those that don't know me I suffer from Multiple Sclerosis and my body has given up working! I cannot stand or walk, I have to be hoisted in and out of bed and get about in an electric wheelchair ♿. I am currently recovering from having a Baclofen pump inserted inside my body to administer drugs direct into my spine! I was to say the least concerned about having this pump inserted under the skin on my stomach and then the catheter fitted round my body once again under the skin and into my spinal cord!
Thinking about it and the actual reality were miles apart and the fact my legs are now tremor free and almost pain free make any fear I had well worth it!
Back to today and the blocked catheter! I woke up feeling uncomfortable but nothing new there then but by nine o'clock I got my wife to call the district nurse! I have lots of debris in my urine and the catheter had become blocked! The nurse was great and got here ten minutes after the out of hours service called her! Unfortunately it had taken them an hour from our phone call to her actually getting told to come and visit me! By the time she arrived I was in lots of pain and discomfort. My MultipleSclerosis then kicks in to overdrive and really wiped me out for the rest of the day! So a day in bed sleeping may sound like bliss to you but MS hit my with a day of severe fatigue!
 I could go on moaning about my day but I know you don't want to hear my woes. I only came on the blog  because I noticed that I have not updated anything yet this year😱
Still that's this update over and done with as I now feel tired enough to try and sleep.😄 Good night world I am going to try and feel well enough to actually get out of bed tomorrow !